As David Letterman might say, or might not, you have in your hand a list of the top 10 ways to really tick off a controller. This list was compiled rather unscientifically by talking with controllers at Baltimore Approach Control; the Washington Air Route Traffic Control Center, in Leesburg, Virginia; and Orlando Approach Control in Florida.
Way number 10: Confuse 10,000 and 11,000 feet, the most easily confused altitudes in aviation and the ones resulting in the most errors by pilots. Controllers now say "One zero, ten thousand," and "One one, eleven thousand."
Way number nine: Put too much information in your call. When VFR and requesting clearance through Class B airspace, ignore the proper procedure of saying, "Orlando Approach, Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whiskey," and letting the controller respond when there is a break in the action. Pour out your life story, such as, "Orlando Approach, Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whiskey is 35 south, VFR, squawking 1200, out of Miami, destination Pensacola, requesting clearance through the Orlando Class B airspace," etc.
Way number eight: If you have a request, ignore the proper procedure of saying, "Washington Center, Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whiskey, request." Instead, on initial callup, blab the whole sorry story of how you need an IFR clearance over this fix and that fix at such-and-such altitude to your destination because you can't maintain VFR. The time you waste will allow three or four other aircraft to come too close to one another.
Way number seven: Don't combine even the simplest information in your call. For example, when reporting to a new controller, say "Washington Center, Bonanza Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whiskey." The controller responds, "Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whiskey, Washington Center." Then you say, "Level 8,000." Or, when a simple call would do, listing who you are, where you are, and what you want, give only one piece of information at a time. Make the controller play 20 Questions.
Way number six: Don't use standard phraseology. When 10 north of Atlantic City, for example, report instead that you are "10 north of the steel pier." Few will know the terminology you invent yourself.
Way number five: Don't pay attention to routine reports to aircraft ahead of you and on the same airway, on flight conditions such as turbulence. Wait for those first few bumps and ask the controller for pilot reports of turbulence. Drives the controllers nuts.
Way number four: Assume that if the frequency is silent 10 seconds, you are free to talk. Actually, the controller could be working more than one frequency. You may hear the controller's side of the conversation, but not that of the pilot of the other aircraft. Pretend not to understand that the controller is in the middle of such a conversation and butt right in.
Way number three: When on an IFR flight plan, punch up any newly assigned frequency and immediately report, "Seven-Two-Three-Six-Whis-key, level 8,000." Most of the time you'll interrupt a transmission in progress, causing a squeal in everyone's ears — except yours.
Way number two: When flying VFR and becoming lost, run your fuel supply down to 20 minutes before re-questing assistance, so that the controller has little time to find you and direct you to an airport.
And the top way to tick off a controller? (Drum roll.) File IFR direct, or RNAV direct, or GPS direct, especially when flying in congested airspace such as that along the East Coast. Don't include any intermediate VORs, but do include nameless latitude and longitude points, thus making the controller do your flight planning to determine if your route will conflict with congested airspace. Don't enter any clues in the remarks section of the flight plan, such as "L/L (for lati-tude/longitude) Indianapolis," because that would tell the controller exactly where you are going. "I go berserk," said Washington Center controller Chris Sutherland. (Expect to wait a very, very long time for your clearance.)
Okay, you've been a good audience. Here's a bonus. Demand that the controller steer you around rainstorms. "General aviation pilots do not understand that the weather radar I have at my disposal is [garbage, a nicer word than the one he used]," Sutherland said. "I'm lucky if I can see an actual thunderstorm." Washington Center's radar shows only moderate and heavy rain. For moderate rain it shows little parallel lines that in no way define the actual shape of the storm. And it shows the letter "H" wherever there is heavy rain. The more H symbols, the bigger the area of rain. Is it a thunderstorm? Who knows?
Perhaps you have just finished your training for that instrument rating, know the regulations, and therefore feel it is unlikely you will do anything to irritate controllers. Don't count on it.
For example, when the air traffic controller assigns a new transponder code, should you read it back or silently enter the code on your transponder? Controllers' regulations say you need not read it back. "Don't do it," a Baltimore controller said. "I can see that you have entered the new code, and can use the air time to talk to other aircraft." But the Orlando controller and Washington Center controller take a different view. "I prefer some acknowledgement that you got the code," the Orlando controller said. "We have a lot of students in Florida, and we are pretty used to them reading everything back." The Washington Center controller suggests that, at a minimum, you re-spond with your call sign.
While preferred radio procedure may differ among various areas of the country, there is confusion generated by official FAA sources, as well.
For example, the regulations covering IFR reporting changed four years ago. Now there are only three mandatory reports listed in FAR 91.183. You must report the time and altitude of passing each designated reporting point or, when in a radar environment, just the points requested by ATC. You must report unforecast weather, and you must also report safety-of-flight information.
But the Aeronautical Information Manual tells a different story. Paragraph 5-32 of the AIM lists 10 reports that should be made "at all times," plus two additional reports to be made when not in radar contact. Before you say, "The AIM is only advisory," you should know that you can be cited under FAR 91.13 (a) pertaining to careless or reckless operations for failing to follow procedures in the "advisory" AIM.
The regulations don't require you to report entering a holding pattern, but the AIM says that is a good idea "at all times." So now which IFR reports will you make?
"The airlines do report entering the hold in a radar environment," the Baltimore controller said. "It is a good check and balance method, a reminder to me that you have started holding."
The Washington Center controller agreed. "I have to record the time entering and departing a hold in order to report delay times," he said.
So, what about reporting the outer marker inbound even when in radar contact? Wouldn't that be a good reminder, too? Not necessary, unless requested to do so by ATC, say both the AIM and the regulations.
The safest bet is to follow reporting requirements in the AIM, which includes those in the regulations as well. And make an appointment to visit your local tower or other air traffic control facility. Find out what real-world communications are like — at least in your area.
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