Undaunted

Nick endured this terror two or three times a year as a young Brit dating an American in the 1990s; it persisted long after they married and the frequency of trips decreased. In 2017, however, Nick took a job that put him face-to-face with his fear of flying: He joined AOPA as a web developer.

I learned of Nick’s deeply personal struggle when he casually mentioned it in a meeting, like it was his fun fact in an icebreaker. By then, he had earned his private pilot certificate. I knew of his flying mostly through the conspicuous joy of his Instagram account, where he documents flying adventures with wit and wonder, capturing both the awe of flying to cool places and the silliness of getting there with a friend. I wondered: How had he shed his debilitating fear? Or had he?

Now AOPA’s senior director of digital experience, Nick traces his fear of flying to a flight home from Germany as a teenager, when winds on approach into Heathrow shook the aircraft so violently that passengers were screaming. The experience planted a seed of fear that lay dormant when he didn’t fly again for years. But high-profile air disasters such as the Lockerbie bombing and TWA Flight 800 lent vivid imagery to an anxiety that awakened when he began regular trips across the pond.

Despite the fear, Nick says he learned of AOPA’s flight training employee benefit, and it felt rude not to take the opportunity. When he met Director of Flight Operations Luz Beattie at the coffee machine, “It very quickly became apparent that she was exactly the sort of person I would need if this was going to work.”

Nick spent the first few lessons with a white-knuckle grip on the yoke, but increasing responsibility corresponded with a decrease in fear. He says flight training helped by explaining disconcerting sensations like reduction of power and flap extension—and it put him in a position of control. “There’s so much more that you’re having to focus on that you don’t have time to direct those little horror shows in your brain,” he said.

His first solo gave him a boost in confidence, but that cratered on a solo cross-country from Frederick, Maryland, to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Rattled by turbulence the entire way, he recalls arriving at Lancaster shaking.

“I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be able to fly back,” he said. “I came very close to calling Luz and just saying someone’s going to have to drive up here and get the plane because I can’t do it.” Sheer pride drove him to get back in the airplane to return.

Nick flew the solo cross-country again. The do-over helped him regain confidence. His checkride, however, terrified him. But, unlike those trans-Atlantic trips he used to dread, it wasn't paralyzing. He wasn’t helpless. He passed.

Humans are notoriously bad at intuiting risk. We all have fears that grow beyond the bounds of rational risk assessment, and CFI Alyssa J. Cobb suggests strategies for addressing different sources of fears in “Fight or Flight?” which begins on p. 34. Nick’s story reminds us that we can’t banish fear—some of his anxieties persist on airline flights—but we can calibrate it. And we don’t gain power over fear by arguing with it, or by shaming ourselves. We chip away at it gradually, by repeatedly experiencing safety.

Nick leaned on the safety of Luz’s calm demeanor during flight training, and post-checkride, he’s kept up his courage and motivation through frequent flights with AOPA colleagues. Flying right seat with a trusted pilot friend, he’s branched out into new aviation experiences, including arrivals at Sedona, Arizona, and EAA AirVenture in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

Flying the Hudson River VFR corridor in New York holds a special significance. He first flew the route at night with Luz. “It was spectacular,” he said. “It doesn’t feel real. And I think when something is that stunning, it takes away fear a little bit.”

Nick then flew the corridor three times as a safety pilot, then once as a pilot in command with a student pilot. After that, his 14-year-old daughter wanted to go. Early one Sunday morning, he took off for New York with his daughter. “Doing that the first time without any other pilots, with my daughter, was amazing,” Nick said. 

Editorial Director Sarah Deener believes one of life’s great challenges is distinguishing between fears that protect us and fears that control us.

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